Reading back at my old prompts I see a child, a girl
Not a victim
But
Not a villain
I wish I hadn't been pushed in your direction
I wish you had been my guide
You were older, after all.
You were all older
And you saw me fall into the hole and you walked away
I made my mistakes, of course. But I didn't deserve to be abandoned at my most vulnerable
To you, my sweet young one,
You are so full of love and life, and you will get in trouble a couple of times
But it's only because you are so eager and excited for love and for life, and you deserve all of those. You just need time to get to know yourself.
To find your boundaries,
To gain the trust of others,
And to fight for your sense of self.
I'm sorry we all failed you and left you alone when you needed a guide
_______________________________________
Now I see how those scars hurt me still
I'm so afraid of myself
Of my own power
I'm alluring and charming. Charismatic and pure
I'm flirtatious and curious and loud and empathetic.
My impulsively is fuled by Joy and excitement and I've learnt to fear it.
How sad is that?
I'm ready to trust myself
I'm done with punishing myself
And fearing my own voice.
I want to hear my own voice and not cringe and drink a glass of wine and be drunk while I enjoy the feeling. And in the morning when the hangover comes along I'll say "well at least i had fun"
I want to share exactly what I want to share and not be a masochist when I cross the line.
