Feeling empty..

The only thing we must fear, is fear itself..

"Black Whole"

The past

My favorite quote

I believe in the imagination. What I cannot see is infinitely more important than what I can see.

~Duane Michals

Between my feet and the ground

The song that keeps me going

Why in the night sky are the lights on Why is the earth moving round the sun? Floating in a vacuum with no purpose, not a one Why in the night sky are the lights hung

~fleet foxes-blue spotted tail
 I dont know why but it's the song that makes me see beauty when I'm feeling down..thank you, fleet foxes!

Someday I will fly.

In sanity

Honestly and truly, I don’t believe the world is split into crazy and sane. Everyone is crazy. Period. Some are just more obvious than others. When someone’s lack of sanity is more visible to the world, they are labeled as so. The way that dysfunctional toys at a toy factory are labeled as defected and sent back to be fixed. Just like humans. They always try to fix people so that they’re “normal”. But normal really just means that your crazy is hidden. And if it is more hidden, it is harder to spot. Like tattoos. Some tattoos are on your arms or legs, so once someone sees you, they immediately label you as either dangerous, or sadistic or something. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating, but something along those lines. And some tattoos are somewhere hidden underneath your clothes, which no one can see, therefore they can’t label you as easily, but it’s still there.  See, everyone has a tattoo, some are just hidden underneath clothes, some are partly visible, and some are completely out there, for the world to see

Meaningless words

I speak, but to no one. Words are meaningless. Anyone can say words, Not everyone can think. I believe in actions and thoughts. Words are not worthy of my time. Say what you will, Feel what you feel, And do what you must do, But the only way to convince me is by showing me.

An English teacher once told me ...

" I have nothing to say and I am saying it and that is poetry. "

Energy

I feel the energy. It swarms through every nerve in my body. It activates every muscle; it coils, prepared to jump out of my thin flesh. It conjures at random places, like the inside of my wrist, the bottom of my lip, the toe of my right foot. It pulses like a tiny heart, it stings like a little needle, and it shakes with energy. The energy travels through every inch of my body at random moments. I inhale deeply, hold it in for a second, and exhale. I feel the electricity jump out of my flesh for a fraction of a second, and it goes back in. lingering there, though it is not static. It is constantly making me twitch involuntarily. I cannot help feeling jittery, riding a strange high. Not a happy one, a very, very uncomfortable one. My muscles are tired, but they keep twitching due to the energy pushing them. I try my best to relax, but I feel as though I am not on this Earth. I am flying, and lightning is descending from every inch of my flesh. I concentrate very hard to move the energy. It takes a few hours and many, many tries, but eventually I transfer most of the energy to my fingers and toes, where it lingers for half a second, then recoils and like an elastic band which jumps back to its original state. I stand up in impatience. A shudder bigger than any I’ve ever experienced runs through my body. Suddenly I have the urge to jump, and run, as I’ve never ran before. I have an urge to smash things, to destroy and crush. I jump in place, trying to rid myself of those horrid thoughts. But all of a sudden, I become really warm in my sweater, probably because of the friction. I rip off my sweater impatiently and throw it on the ground. I look at my olive skin. What is this? Even though I feel as though my skin is burning, I have…goose bumps? I shake my head, unbelieving. Finally, I sit down and try unsuccessfully to ignore the feeling in my body and think rationally. What can I do…I pick up the nearest book and flip it open to a random page. My eyes skim over the words, unseeing. Instead, my brain tries to sort out the symptoms and figure out what is happening to me. Insomnia. Maybe I haven’t been sleeping enough. Maybe I just need a few more hours. Impossible, I’ve been sleeping exactly 8 hours a night for the past week. Drip, drop. I look out the window. How cliché. It is raining, and a cloud of depression surrounds my head. The claustrophobia starts, and my restless body flinches from the obstruction. Suddenly, I grow very weak and tired. Slowly, my every joint relaxes and droops with gravity. I can no longer lift even a finger. Abruptly, an idea comes to my head. Water. I make a huge effort to open the window and stick my hand out. Water will turn off the fire. Sure enough, as each miniscule droplet of water falls on my hand, the energy relaxes a bit. As soon as the energy is almost completely gone from my hand, I feel a change. All of the energy begins to travel to one point. It is drained from every inch of my body, and only occupies a single area. Not good. Not good. It is even more uncomfortable now that the lightning is more concentrated in the middle of my chest. Too hot, too much. Make it stop. The electricity grows stronger with every passing second, so much that I have to stand up and pace around the room. I grip my shirt, as if that will pause the pain. As the torture steadily grows, my knees buckle under me, and I can only see my head hit the ground. I am in too much pain to feel anything else than that of my chest. Damn electricity, get out of me. I take in shallow, shaky breaths, and think of nothing but the feeling of love, and pleasure, and happiness to distract me from the pain. That seems to ease the lightning. I try again, and the result is astonishing. It seems as though my thoughts and the physical pain are at war, sort of like a tug of war, fighting to gain sovereignty over my body. I curl into a ball on the floor and scream a piercing sound of pain which I barely hear. I shut my eyes, though I couldn’t see anything anyways, and see a dark tunnel. Suddenly, the pain has disappeared. I drift slowly across the tunnel, warm and comforting as it is. My eyes focus ahead of me, to the darkness, but something small catches my eye. I look to my right and see a little spark. I look closer, and a huge circle of light appears in the darkness. I immediately realize that the light is no light, it is the energy I had once, a lifetime ago running through my body, in a physical form. I also realize that it did not appear out of the blue, it was there the whole time. How did I not notice it before. It seemed painfully obvious now. I held the energy in my hands, and once again felt the beautiful feeling of love, in my own two hands

Shallow water

What a consumerist life we have been living. How gullible and stupid we are, letting such superficial ideas absorb us, enslave us, and even kill us. Why cannot beauty come from within? Oh right, because we are simple, vulnerable creatures that fear profanity and depth, and seek only the surface.

One time, I fell in love with a bird. It sang to me everyday, and I fell in love with it's song. but one day, it flew away and never came back.

Choices

The moment you realize you are living is the moment that you have choices. Life is full of them, choose wisely.